Weekly Blessings: Week 11 with Tamara Holder

Greetings and welcome to another installment of “Weekly Blessings!” I’m excited to let you guys know that we have another guest post!

Our guest post comes from style blogger Tamara Holder, who is also the owner of Baydian, where she designs scarves. She has some really awesome designs; go check out some of her work! You can also follow Tamara on Twitter and Facebook. 

And without further ado, I give you Tamara’s “Weekly Blessing!”

“Since sex got easier to get, love got harder to find.”

Have you ever heard this quote before?…Even if you haven’t, stop for a second and think about how true this statement is about our society.

According to researchers, it’s estimated that in the United States 40-50% of marriages will end in divorce or permanent separation and 60% of those who re-marry may end up the same way (Source: http://www.divorce.usu.edu/files/uploads/lesson3.pdf). What’s sad is that this statistic is no different for those in the church. Why??? I have no answers to that question but 2 weeks ago, something hit me about the two versions of romance present in our society.

Every girl has her favorite romantic movie. For some, it’s a Disney princess movie but for most females, it’s a movie like The Notebook or The Lucky One. Disney princess movies, which are created for young girls, glorify marriage. However, movies produced for an older crowd have quite a different agenda. For example, although I love The Notebook, in its content you see a young woman cheat on her fiancé with the love of her life by having sex with him. Then if you watch the Lucky One, you see a young man, who is very respectful and chivalrous, spark a relationship with a young mom and part of their relationship consists of sex. What’s the similar theme? Pre-marital sex. And that is subconsciously what we as women want and it’s what we tell our men we want.

I’m not trying to bash anyone or make you feel guilty because I have fallen into this trap and I don’t think I’m in anyway better than anyone. I’m right where you are. I just realized that I had already accepted a mediocre version of romance by idolizing these movies. I learnt to desire marriage with the perfect man from Disney and then I learnt that sex was normal for any dating relationship. I’ve even observed relationships around me and realized how much this “norm” has affected the hearts of those involved. It makes love so hard! And no wonder, these principles are so contrary to God’s plan for romance! But it’s absolutely crazy how ordinary they are to us.

Now, I’m not going to get on a soap box and say that you shouldn’t kiss while dating and that you’ll never get tempted. I’m going to be way more real than that, and I actually need to give credit to my pastor for this. Relationships are hard work. There is temptation no matter how holy you think you are. AGAIN, if your significant other is attracted to you (especially during teens and 20s), they will be tempted to have sex with you. What’s cool though is that one day, you may be the strong one and the next day, he or she might be the strong one. It’s a team effort. It’s both of you submitting to God and committing to each other to wait until marriage. If you both are weak at the same time and sex happens, there’s forgiveness but you also repent. That means acknowledge the mistake, stop practicing the behavior and start over on a new path.

Like I said, I just realized this. Anyone who has lost their way or feel pressured to go with the norm, there’s hope! Whether you’re a man or woman, let’s find Godly romance to idolize! Let’s make love easier to find and sex hard to come by. You can do this. We can do it together!